So today is sunday, and i was raised in the church. Being a part of my family automatically indicates that you presence is required every sunday at church, then for family dinner afterwards. . . not too bad. Until you actually meet my mother.
Everybody has a fully functioning disfuntion somewhere, somehow in their family. Ours is that, even though my mother tries with all her power to hide it, all of the children resent her for the parental cramming of religion down our throats. Now, raising your children in the church is not a bad thing. I do believe that many of my good morals, and absence in the presence of attrocities such as being a crack addicted hoe, have spawned from being in the church.
I do not, however, believe that as a fully functioning and independant 21 year old...I should be forced to be in attendance to the facility of my mother's choice every sunday morning and evening. If I chose to stay home and lay in bed with my boyfriend, is that not my decision to make? God's gift of free will was not a rash mistake he made in the creation process. Free will and the ability to make decisions for ourselves was an attribute we were blessed with.
Now, the bad becomes worse when one of us starts dating an individual. They have now, usually uknowingly, been dragged into this idea that all decent human beings must be at church every sunday, and then family dinner afterward. If you are a potential for one of her children, the first and foremost pre-requisite is that you attend church. Fine and Dandy. The catch is...you must then change your religion and preference of establishments to her personal favorite...my"home church." No questions asked, end of discussion, deal with it or get the hell out.
This is my dillema. How, for the love of everything, do you approach the religion topic in such a manner without saying...
"My mother is friggin psycho and demands that you go to "our" church every sunday and then come to her house for family dinner afterwards. Every sunday. And if we get married, for the rest of your natural life."
Everything about religion is based on faith, beliefs, and choice. It is your choice to become a believer, attend services, live a "godly" life, or to completely forego the idea of religion all together. You have to make those decisions based on what you believe and your personal faith in higher deity. Correct me if i'm wrong, but i don't recall a passage in the good book saying anything along the lines of ....
"believe what my mother believes, or you're going to hell....in a handbasket."
I have been in attendance of my family church since I was 18 months old. I became a member at 15, and then I realized what a whole big world there was out there. Does that mean that I have completely turned my back on religion, NO. This simply means that I have decided to live a life where I experience the things I wish to experience. Some very bad circumstances have become of these decisions, but they were mine non the less. God did not strike me dead because I decided to have a beer, sleep with my boyfriend, or smoke a cigarette. Were these "correct" decisions....well I'll let ya know after I'm dead. I still have a very religous base, I do not claim to be a christian. I claim to be a believer, I believe in God and the trinity. I believe in Heaven and Hell, I believe that the basics of human existence is based on his divine..for lack of a better word...power. I believe he created the earth, and that someday I will see him. Whether or not I am wrong is unkown to anyone. Like I said, I'll let you know when I'm dead.
I am happy with my life and my life decisions. I am not always proud, but i'm content with them, and to let them go. Being that I'm my mothers (adopted) daughter, I feel the need to don my wings and halo whenever I am in her presence. I would like to tell her that I had a totally fuckin rockin day at the climbing gym, or that her opinions are driving me up a wall and to watch out for the guys in white coats with needles that are coming to put her in a padded room. Instead, out of sheer debt to her, I smile and just walk away. This has become a problem also. Fuck, I just can't win.
I love the woman, mainly because she's my mother, but Damn, I can't stand her.
wow, i got way off track. Sorry about the endless ramblings about my mother....I hate rambling.
Anyways, Freedom of religion. Anybody remember that? i'm pretty sure that's quite a hot issue around these states. Now, if somebody would baseball bat that into some people's heads... people wouldn't need beer, strip clubs, and recreational drugs.
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2 comments:
Agreed execpt for the choice of believe part. I think that there is little choice when it comes to faith. We all have to have faith in something in order to function.
Faith in god, faith in man, faith that everyone has agreed to drive on the right side of the road. Without faith there is no society.
However, when I talk to those that are Christians, at least the ones I respect, they all say that they believe but there was no choice in the matter. They felt it as real as you feel the keys under your fingers as you type.
Weather or not this has anything to do with you and your mothers relationship which is more the core issue that you are addressing in this post, I'm not sure. Families are hard. Parenting is hard (so I'm told) and letting go of established roles is very hard.
It is difficult for you to give up the child role when your mother is around, and difficult for her to give up the mothering role. The very fact that she chose to adopt suggests to me that she rather loves her role as a mother. These roles will never change until you shed the role of child in favor of the role as an adult. This is a very painful process, believe me, and you are only starting it now. Honest discussion will be the key to a successful adult relationship between you and your mother. Not a baseball bat.
i confess that i agree with lsd. my parents and i have had some hellacious knock downs in the last ten years and a couple of times we didn't speak for a while. once for well over a year and we've never gotten back to our previous easy relationship.
what we do have now is a woman who isn't afraid to be herself around her parents and parents who are willing to see her for who she is.
do i miss the easy times when we all just 'got along' ... yeah i do... but i recognize that they weren't real and that our relationship is far stronger for the hard times.
you have to tell the truth to the ones you love, and it's the hardest thing in the world and the most worth it.
it gets me in trouble sometimes with my friends though...
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