He gave me another chance to begin

I was going through some of my things that are packed away in boxes from my last move home to my mom and dad's. As I sorted through pots and pans, dishes, and an assortment of decorations that i don't remember what possessed my to buy, I stumbled on some sentimentals. Old pictures, things we had bought together, and a book that covered our entire relationship. I don't know why, but before I knew it I was propped up against the bed looking through pictures and reading entries about the days we had spent together. All of the events that had become nothing more than memories of living in another state started flooding back and raced around in my head like horses at the track. Suddenly, instead of just being memories of another time, they became memories of another person. I closed my eyes and could see, clearly as now I see the screen, every small detail of that apartment. Walk in the door and there is a closet to the right, the kitchen is to the left. Walk through the kitchen and there is the dining room table, turn right, living room the back of a blue and white sofa stops your path, end table to the left pushed against the wall, and another sofa against the same wall creating an "L" of furniture. There was a recliner in front of the glass sliding door, and a HUGE entertainment center opposite the sofa against the wall. Turn right into the hallway, light swith on the right, big round light cover just in front of the first bedroom door. Our bedroom....pushed against the far wall and left wall, the bed. Right wall, 3 level free-standing storage full of stuff, clothes, mail....next to that, a dresser. Opposite the bed, large walk-in closet, with another dresser length-wise agains the wall between the end of the bed and the closet with a tv on it. Left out of the bedroom, left into the hallway..closet to the right, bathroom to the right, bedroom to the left. Tim and Kristina's room. Smells of smoke, and pot. they have the bigger room and another bathroom. Could never stand the smell of that room, nor the people who occupied it.
**Banging of something falling down the stairs**
I jumped when I came back into the present reality. I started putting all the memories and thoughts back into the box, but was stopped by one particular picture. It was a picture of the large group of friends all laughing and smiling at the camera, it was the last time all of us were together in that apartment. People graduated, and we moved into an apartment with Ryan and Tyler. I stared blankly at the picture, trying to remember that particular night. The only thing I could recall was that we had played president and asshole (drinking game) and kristina puked outside due to overconsumption of Malibu.
Now that the christmas season is here I can't help but feel a small twinge of pain. I think of the life that I had built with him and the many holiday seasons I spent with him. Each christmas/new year's season, we stood together and looked at the endless possibilities for the new year that was coming. I have been told it's because I'm not over him, but do you really ever get over having your world shattered and your heart ripped out? Sure, you move on and push it to the back of your mind, but it's still there.
This year I look forward to starting a new year for different reasons, than years in the past. I look forward to a true beginning, and a wonderful endless amount of possiblities. I look forward to starting a new year with someone who has absolutely swept me off my feet. More importantly, I look forward to the development of myself in the coming 12 months.
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Happy holidays to everyone. I hope 2006 is good to you!