"You can tell them, I don't care, they're just going to start judging you and think you're a whore."
This is the base-line of the recent domestic dispute between the beau and I. We've been basically living together for a period of time now, and it's been great. My family is a bible thumping family and they have learned to accept the fact that my life decisions are mine to make and mine alone. They may not exactly be ok with the fact that I choose to co-habitate with my boyfriend, but they are accepting and supportive of the fact. They think no less of him nor I, but would rather that I not reside with him. The main reasoning of my families distain for my choice is most likely the same as his...we don't believe in sex before marriage and living together is pretty much a guaranteed sign of that. I see their point and I have dually noted this fact.
My problem with the situation is not that I don't understand that point it is this...
I have to bold faced lie when asked if i'm still at home, and it makes me feel as though I need to lie in order to get people to like and accept me. That's bullshit, I have never felt the need to be something i'm not in order to get approval from anybody. I've always been told never to change for anybody and not to worry about how people percieve me. I am who I am. Feeling like I have to don the string of pearls and petticoat whenever i'm in the vicinity of his family bothers me.
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8 comments:
as it should... trying to pretend that you're someone you are not even like is hugely difficult.
that said, you may wish to take the chance to meet them in a way that will not cause them to think you're a whore and then just let the rest of the information come to them a little at a time.
like i told my folks i smoke pot... i did NOT tell them to what extent i smoked...
that's the thing, i've met the ENTIRE family. I did christmas and thanksgiving with them, and have hung out with them 6 or 7 times in the past 3 months. I didnt really think it was an issue until he started shushing me if i'd mention anything that remotely hinted towards me being here, let alone staying here.
"I didnt really think it was an issue until he started shushing me if i'd mention anything that remotely hinted towards me being here, let alone staying here."
And that is exactly your problem, which is to say, it's exactly his problem. You shouldn't have to lie because he's too chicken to defend his own lifestyle choices. Fuck that.
I'm trying not to make a huge issue over the ordeal, but it just pisses me off. The worst part is there is no talking to him about it, he just gets mad. And I think it's going to be one of those issues that is just going to sit and bubble under the surface if it's not addressed, I could just let it go but then it's just going to bother me and then it's not a solution at all.
you're right... but if all he does is get mad when you bring it up then you at least need to find another approach...
some other way to bring it up that is less hard for him to deal with.
got to love pussy footing around things huh? :)
Got to go with the Rev. on this one. Clearly it's his problem not yours. I've got a little inside knowledge as it pertains to the beau (who should get a name soon perhaps Angry Alex). or something like that). You see it's an issue of his constant need to eclipse his siblings importance to his parents. Pretty simple. He's actually talked to me about this. He said something like this.
"Both my brother and sister had children outside of marriage. I'm going to be the only one that doesn't make that mistake."
And he said it as a point of pride. It is a very important concept to him that he remain the golden child in his parents eyes. I think out of contempt for his mother rather than a true competive nature, but thats a hold other ball of wax.
I don't know what to tell you about all that. Only that I know the personality type all to well. I grew up with it. All I can say is that it's hard. I would find a way to start communicating soon. The more you conform to his reality, the harder it will be to forge your own.
All is not lost though, the beau has a good heart and a will to please. His anger is nothing more than a front. A way of not dealing with his own short-comings. Find a way to make him see how his reality hurts you. After a few days of being a complete dick, he'll understand that he needs to reconsider his position.
I know that he just wants everyone in his family to love me and not see me as the girl that got pregnant out of wed-lock. I don't even think that it's a necessity to tell them that I live here, but I don't want to be shushed if I mention that I was here for something. We're dating, I'm obviously going to be here, they don't think that we are never in his apartment together.
I know that he has "middle-child" syndrome, but for heavens sake, it's the 21st century here. Like you said earlier, lsd, he wants me to adore him because he thinks the world of me. I love him, but his whole "have to be the one to do it the right way" thing is borderline freaky. I'm the youngest and the the devil child, i've always had to try to live up to my siblings but I never take it to lying or not being myself.
i'm rambling. so......
There is no way to address this and try to come to a resolution without stepping on his ego, facing the middle child syndrome, or saying something about his family. All of which, is a terrible idea.
Well, sometimes you've got to pick your battles. If it's not worth stepping on mans ego, don't. Just suck it up and deal with it. But if it is, don't hesitate.
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